To my oldest....

1.leaving the hospital.

2.Firstborn with our youngest.

Yesterday my little boy turned six.

I was a mess.

I remember all the emotions that I had when we find out we were expecting..

Excitement..

fear..

regret for taking the test in a ghetto Walmart bathroom..

OK, not really regret with that.
 It makes for a funny memory.

We cried in the parking lot.

The kind of tears that are full of joy and oh man we are going to be parents,

 how are earth are we going to do it?

I remember the pregnancy.

The anxiety through the first trimester.

The reading about EVERYTHING..

until Court hid my copy of "What to Expect when your expecting."

Tip: if you are pregnant DON'T skip ahead in that book.

Better yet just put the book in the freezer where it can't hurt you,

Hiding that I knew Gibson was a boy.

Framing the ultrasound and the envelope Court thought was sealed  that revealed the gender.

Stashing all the boy clothes at my sister's house so he wouldn't see.

(Court wanted to be surprised, I didn't..sooo)

Being passed my due date and the intense emotion I felt when people would say:

"YOU ARE STILL PREGNANT?"

That intense emotion was anger..

and hunger..

I was soooo hungry that pregnancy..

The packing for the hospital 

afraid I would forget something..

How I thought his little clothes were so small and there was no way possible He would fit in them..

The throwing up..

Just being real.

I threw up the entire 9 months.

Thank you Gibson.

The doctors appointment 

where my Doctor..

God Bless Him.

said

"You are going to have a baby today, I am sending you to the hospital."

The amazing ice chips and cranberry juice at the hospital.

Which may be why I had 3 other children there.

The nurses who calmed my fears.

Held my hand.

Told me I was doing great..

My husband standing by..

Supporting.

Not eating anything because I couldn't.

Half out of love..

The other half fear for his life

 I am sure.

Hearing that first little cry..

My husband's tears as he held him..

The first time my son was placed on my chest..

The first time I heard the words

"Here is YOUR son."

The weight ..

the joy..

the everything I felt when I heard them.

Then the feeling of..

"Oh crap, this is real."

Praying that God would help me because I have no idea what I was doing.

Knowing I was in for the most amazing journey.

And that was just the start..

Gibson Daniel..

You made me a mama..

And you have my heart.

You will never really understand how I feel about you until you have kids..

And even though you insist you love me more..

You are wrong.

Your Daddy and I love you.

We love the man of God you are becoming.

We pray for your heart..

And we pray for guidance..

Because 

for reals

we still have no idea what we are doing.

Happy Birthday (a day late)