A day at the park...

I am really thankful to be part of this family..

They can be loud and messy,

they can fight and scream with the best of them,

I can be impatient and moody

But God has given them to me,

and me to them,

and I couldn't be happier that I get to be a part of these people's stories,

because their stories are going to be awesome.

Just saying..

I hate getting shots.

Or getting blood taken.

Basically anything that requires a needle being shoved into my flesh,

I am not a fan of.

So I completely understood Gibson's reluctance to get his vaccines,

And by reluctance
 I mean wedging himself between the wall and the exam table,

letting out blood curdling screams.

He was scared
 and everyone within a 5 mile radius knew it.

Finally after I was able to reason with him,

and by reason with him,

I mean bribe him with ice cream,

obviously.

He climbed up next to me on the table.

He held on so tight to my arm,

tears spilling down his face.

The nurse gave him the shots.

My heart broke for him.

I was mumbling something about it

"it will hurt a little bit but help a whole lot."

and other unhelpful drivel I picked up from watching too much public television.

But the nurse,

she looked straight into his eyes,

and with compassion and tenderness

 even after spending so much time on something that should have taken only a few minutes,

she said:

"I know you were scared, but you are brave.

You are the bravest boy I have seen all day."

And then the clincher.

"I am going to tell the ladies at the front desk to let you pick out 2 toys."

He gave her a little smile.

The ladies at the front desk echoed her words..

"Brave boy."

By the time Court asked how the visit was,

Gibson replied

"I was so brave. I didn't even cry."

Then wrinkling up his nose.

"Mama, did I cry a little bit?"

Umm, what?

The fact is her words of encouragement were so strong,

so perfectly placed,

he nearly forgot about the 1/2 hour of terror,

and remembered her words.

"You were scared, but you were brave."

Today in a world where words are everywhere,

You can drop your opinion and hundreds will be exposed to it,

with a click of a button.

We place less value on our words.

We delivering crushing criticism,

scalding insults

and then cover them up with a tidy "just saying".

As if the weights of our words evaporate with that hollow disclaimer.

Your words can either bring life or death,

encouragement or pain,

They are powerful.

Even the truth spoken without love is damaging.

There is no "just saying."

Encouragement isn't empty powder puff words.

It isn't nonsense cheering.

It's instilling courage in people

when they can't see it.

It's showing the truth in a way that helps them see past the current events.

Helps them believe what could be.

We have a voice.

A voice that people we don't even realize are listening too.

Are we instilling courage in them? Are we speaking truth in love or spite?

Are we so impressed with our wit and snark we miss the bones we are crushing with them?

That has been my project lately,

weighing my words,

because my words have weight.

Trying to speak into my kids lives in a way that makes them know their potential,

their worth,

who they are in Christ.

that they may be scared.

But they are brave.

Birthday and Father's day in one.. because I am cheap like that.

So there is this guy,

Fortunately I am blessed enough to marry him.

He is the outgoing to my shy.

The motivator when I want to curl up in a ball and eat chocolate..

The person who buys said chocolates because he knows I love them.

He is the guy,

who I thought I couldn't love more 

until we had children.

He is the guy who has fought for our marriage at times when I simply fought.

He is the goofy to my serious.

And then the serious to my goofy..

and then sometimes the goofy that joins my goofy.

He is the one who is quick to forgive,

and slow to get angry.

He is the guy

that sometimes I just look at and think.

Wow, how did I get so blessed.

Love you Court,

and 

even though I know you are not a huge fan of public love notes..

I know this will be ok, look at paragraph 3.

You really can't get mad at me now.

Something that makes me uncomfortable..

So today I am talking about things that make me uncomfortable.

People.

Yes, people.

I am shy.

And although I like the idea of a chatting with groups of people in theory.

In reality,

it's scary stuff.

I have tried to overcome this.

If I am waiting in line,
 I try to strike up a conversation with with people around me..

or the cashier.

9 out of 10 times this turns out horribly awkward.

And actually the last time it wasn't awkward,

and I was really happy with the exchange,

thought I may have brightened someone's day,

I realized I had forgotten to put on my wedding rings..

So cashier guy probably was mistaking my friendliness.

So again.

awkward.

So somewhere out there is someone answering the question of

"What makes you uncomfortable?"

With this

"Random blonde woman trying to talk to me in the check out line."

Full circle.

Educate

Today I am supposed  to educate you on something I know a lot about,

I wanted to be spontaneous with this post,

not to think too much about them and just write.

However the first thing that came to my mind was

poop,

so I did a little bit of thinking,

You are welcome.

Still thinking.....

Yep..

Drawing a blank.

So poop it is..

Actually diaper changing.

Here are my top five rules about changing diapers.

1. Don't change your toddler standing up. You might think it's just a wet diaper. It won't be.

2. Be careful who you are with when you do the sniff test. Other parents think nothing of this test. People without kids. It weirds them out. Especially at restaurants.

3. Speaking of restaurants, don't change your child in the booth. Apparently this is frowned upon.

4.Keep a spare change of clothes and diapers in your car. But be prepared that you can do this 365 days of the year but the one day you forget, there will be a diaper of epic proportions that you WILL NOT be prepared for.

5. If you have more than 1 child in diapers, be careful you don't put a tiny newborn diaper on your massive toddler. Diaper wedgies are no joke.

There you have it.

Again,
You are welcome.

May day or something like that

I miss writing..

In this season of life..

things are really busy..

The kind of busy that is wonderful and blessed.

but still

Busy.

And I miss writing..

So today I am starting a Blog everyday in May.

Yes, I know.

May is half way over.

But I am starting from the beginning and using the prompts it gives.

So today is your life story in 250 words or less.

Hmm. 

(That isn't a real word so it doesn't count)

(But those did, oh man)

To know the story of my life,

I don't think you need the details of where I was born,

grew up..

even though I am fascinating and I am sure you want all the details.

(man, it's hard to keep this under 250 words with all the sarcasm I throw in.)

The story of my life really isn't about me at all.

It's about a God that loved me,

and chooses me to be a part of His Story.

 This verse is the Story of My Life,

For God, who said, “Let there be light in the darkness,” has made this light shine in our hearts so we could know the glory of God that is seen in the face of Jesus Christ. 

We now have this light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure. This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves.

2 Corinthians 4:6+7

I am a fragile clay jar, but I am blessed to contain a great treasure.

And I am blessed to live this life with these people too.

 in other news 

We need a family picture.

To my oldest....

1.leaving the hospital.

2.Firstborn with our youngest.

Yesterday my little boy turned six.

I was a mess.

I remember all the emotions that I had when we find out we were expecting..

Excitement..

fear..

regret for taking the test in a ghetto Walmart bathroom..

OK, not really regret with that.
 It makes for a funny memory.

We cried in the parking lot.

The kind of tears that are full of joy and oh man we are going to be parents,

 how are earth are we going to do it?

I remember the pregnancy.

The anxiety through the first trimester.

The reading about EVERYTHING..

until Court hid my copy of "What to Expect when your expecting."

Tip: if you are pregnant DON'T skip ahead in that book.

Better yet just put the book in the freezer where it can't hurt you,

Hiding that I knew Gibson was a boy.

Framing the ultrasound and the envelope Court thought was sealed  that revealed the gender.

Stashing all the boy clothes at my sister's house so he wouldn't see.

(Court wanted to be surprised, I didn't..sooo)

Being passed my due date and the intense emotion I felt when people would say:

"YOU ARE STILL PREGNANT?"

That intense emotion was anger..

and hunger..

I was soooo hungry that pregnancy..

The packing for the hospital 

afraid I would forget something..

How I thought his little clothes were so small and there was no way possible He would fit in them..

The throwing up..

Just being real.

I threw up the entire 9 months.

Thank you Gibson.

The doctors appointment 

where my Doctor..

God Bless Him.

said

"You are going to have a baby today, I am sending you to the hospital."

The amazing ice chips and cranberry juice at the hospital.

Which may be why I had 3 other children there.

The nurses who calmed my fears.

Held my hand.

Told me I was doing great..

My husband standing by..

Supporting.

Not eating anything because I couldn't.

Half out of love..

The other half fear for his life

 I am sure.

Hearing that first little cry..

My husband's tears as he held him..

The first time my son was placed on my chest..

The first time I heard the words

"Here is YOUR son."

The weight ..

the joy..

the everything I felt when I heard them.

Then the feeling of..

"Oh crap, this is real."

Praying that God would help me because I have no idea what I was doing.

Knowing I was in for the most amazing journey.

And that was just the start..

Gibson Daniel..

You made me a mama..

And you have my heart.

You will never really understand how I feel about you until you have kids..

And even though you insist you love me more..

You are wrong.

Your Daddy and I love you.

We love the man of God you are becoming.

We pray for your heart..

And we pray for guidance..

Because 

for reals

we still have no idea what we are doing.

Happy Birthday (a day late)

The most political post I will ever write.

Let's not be afraid of the future.

 God still holds it

 and even if America was heading down the path we wanted it to be

  we aren't promised an easy road, 

we are promised that He is in control 

and He who has began a good work in us will finish it.

 He will be faithful to our families.

 Of course I am praying so much for my kids and their future,

 that God will captivate their heart

 and no matter what our government looks like they will know Him, 

know His awesome, unfailing love

 and  use their lives to make Him famous.

 Because Christ is the hope of the world not America. 

Holloway out.

{this was going to be a facebook post but was way too long for my liking. Christians, if you got the candidate you wanted it still applies and if you didn't guess what, still applies :) }

I had a baby girl..

And her name is..

She was born September 17,

7 pounds, 5 ounces of awesomeness.

oh and 20 inches..

She is wonderful.

Pregnancy brain is contagious

Our family has "seasons"

Like last summer was the season of six flags..

Last spring the season of happy hour drinks at Sonics every friday..

This summer was the season of the beach...

And 2 summers ago was the season of  Old Orchard Beach..

I was pregnant with Jackson then..

and we took probably our only family picture there..

So I thought it would be cool to go back..

take a similar picture...

So one day..

totally unplanned..

because we don't really plan that well..

We drove down...

 and went to the same spot to take the picture..

Both Court and I took one look..

and disappointment sent in when we realized they changed the mural...

We listed about 15 things that they changed..

from size..

to color..

to the font....

I think I might have uttered the words..

"They changed it completely"

 But same mural or not we decided to take the picture.

Exact same mural..

Only repainted..

We be crazy.

Warning excessive back to school pictures...

I won't remind you all again how emotional I am..
crying, sobbing, blubbering idiot
wreck..
You get it.
But..
My little boy started school..
and up until a couple weeks ago...
I was homeschooling..
I was very excited about that..
but
we made a decision to put him in school..
a great one with awesome teachers..
and Daddy close by..
But still..
emotional wreck over here..
Gibson not so much..
very excited..
up at 5:30 excited.
That's Christmas morning excited.
People.
Christmas morning.

 Oh yes,
can you tell by these pictures..
Ari was also excited..
I was nervous that she would be a mess with her best friend leaving..
but yeah..
Not so much..
And you will notice Jack was absent..
He was there
but was not quite there..
He was not ready for the early morning photo sess.
Disappointing because he had the most glorious case of bed head.
Sorry, you all are deprived of that.
And also note there is one photo of me with them..
I planned to get one at school..
Not so much.
The big kid was not having it..
Luckily he came back as snuggly and loving as always..
and I quickly forget the snubbing I got at school..
Ok, almost forgot.

Baby Mama

Aria walks in..

"Hi Baby Mama."

Umm, what?

"I am saying hi to you and the baby."

Sure,

 that's what we are going to say Baby Mama means.

As I am cooking this baby..

I have been pretty absent..

I have decided that instead of blogging during naptimes

I would clean..

haha

I mean  

Sleep..

 I sleep now..

clean, that's funny.

(Court told me he would rather come home to a happy house than a clean one, regretting that yet honey?)

However I did blog through my pregnancy with Jack..

Who we had nicknamed Hercules...

Weekly updates in fact..

and I worked full time.

Wow.

Just typing all that out made me tired.

must nap..

But if you are interested in what happened last pregnancy..

when I actually did more than napping..

check it out here..

Warning: sleep was not my friend..

and apparently makeup and I were fighting too...

Tuesdays with Ari

Kind of like Tuesday's with Morrie...

Only not at all.

All my kids are characters..

I have to refrain myself from posting status updates with all the things they say 

because I would spend way too much time on facebook..

oh yeah..

and it would be annoying...

Ari girl has been coming up with some gems lately though..

that are begging to be shared..

As I am heading to the dr's office for a check up..

She hands me 2 dimes.

Aria: Is that enough to pay the dr to get the baby out?

Me: Well no, honey that's....

Proceeds to hands me a chuckee cheese coin.

Aria: How about now?

Umm.. if she is going to bribe people she needs to get a job.

Also her sweet motives of wanting to meet the baby are actually wanting Court and I to go to the hospital so their Memaw will stay with them.... because Grandparents are cooler than parents

obviously.

After another dr's appointment (boy, am I exciting)

Aria: What was your blood pressure?

Me: making up a number because I never keep track of that stuff.

Aria: Ok, good.

Aria crying because she stepped on a toy train.

Aria: The BLOOD! THE BLOOD!

Me: Ok sweetie, lets look at it and clean it up. I will put a band aid on it.

Aria: NO WE ARE OUT OF HELLO KITTY BANDAIDS! No other bandaids work!

HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Throws the offending train away, to the screams of Jack protesting.

Aria: Jackson, I am doing this for your own good!!!!!!

Oh my,

Ari, save the drama for your ma....

oh, I guess you did.

And last but not lest..

Aria playing with her dollhouse.

Aria: "Husband, can you get me an ice coffee? The kid's didn't nap today."

Court, if you are reading this.. the kids didn't nap today..

soooo.......

You got this...

It was the perfect storm..

Pushing the 3 kids around..

in those Jumbo carts at Target..

They were peaceful and well behaved..

And then..

the storm hit..

Jack pulled Ari's hair..

she was screaming because it hurt..

he was screaming because he hurt her..

and Gibs decided at that moment 

He needed to pee...

and not only did he need to pee..

He felt the need to scream this fact at the top of his lungs..

along with 

"I THINK I MIGHT PEE MY PANTS"

lovely..

And that moment..

a woman walked over and smiled..

I was waiting for some encouragement..

some

"been there, it's ok."

Instead I got

"Bet your wondering why you decided to have that 4th."

nodding at my very pregnant belly.

I am going to assume she was trying to be funny

 and thought we both would have a good laugh..

We didn't.

She got a fake smile.

Or a grimace..

Not sure exactly what my face did...

but my hand didn't slap her..

so that was good.

And I felt inadequate..

Like really, am I crazy?

It's easy to feel that way as a mom..

When it's 3 am and the baby just screams and won't sleep..

When your kids disobey..

Tantrums are being thrown..

You lose your temper..

The debate about..

bottle feeding

 breast feeding...

co sleeping..

cry it out...

schedules...

discipline..

Stay at home..

Working moms.

It's easy to feel like you just aren't good enough.

No matter what you do,

it will be wrong.

Luckily, grace steps in..

And the truth is..

You are their mom...

You were chosen to parent those children...

they were chosen to be your babies...

You aren't going to do everything right..

Some days your kids are going to go insane at Target..

But you got this...

You are their mom..

and by God's grace

You can handle it....

Because He made you uniquely..

He made your kids unique...

And His Grace is sufficient..

And if you see a mom or dad struggling in the store..

smile...

say something encouraging..

and if it's Court or me

buy us a Starbucks..

deal?

Momma and Baby Jack

I am a bit emotional lately..

we could blame it

on nagging allergies that won't quit..

not sleeping great..

or the fact that I am 9 months pregnant..

Nah.

the last one probably has nothing to do with it..

I am not emotional at all when I am pregnant..

(that loud gagging sound you heard just now was my husband supressing his laughter)

That little boy is my baby..

(I call all my kids my babies, but the two older ones roll their eyes like teenagers. And then I say in the creepiest voice possible "Love you forever, like you for always as long as I'm living my baby you'll be" and then they shriek with 1/2 laughter, 1/2 fear. It's a good time)

But he is the baby.

Around our house you will hear..

"Don't leave that there the baby will get it."

"Shh the baby is sleeping"

"EW THE BABY POOPED!"

It doesn't matter that he is the 2nd biggest child in our house.

Our 4 year old little girly weighs less than him..

He is our baby.

Then come sometime in September..

there will be another little baby..

And even though my heart is bursting with joy..

I feel so blessed..
But

He will not be the baby baby..

bittersweet..
I love our family now..
And I will love when it changes too...
I am thankful for each child..
and each time they got to be the baby baby..
Seriously get this pregnant woman a cookie..
she is losing it.

Anyone felt this way?
A little scared of the change?
A whole lot excited too?
It's normal.
Right?

Have yourself a good ugly cry..

Since I am 34 weeks pregnant..

I find no shame in admitting that I cry..

a lot..

Happy tears..

Sad tears.

 Nostalgic tears..

We are out of ice cream tears..

My first pregnancy all this emotion freaked me out..

I remember lying in my closest late for work,

crying because I couldn't find my other shoe..

IT WAS IN MY HAND.

I was a little bit on the cray cray side.

Now I am thankful for these moments..

(not the completely crazy ones that have strangers avoiding your  aisle in the grocery store)

(I am afraid to see people I know in the store, not because of my 3 kids behavior mind you, but because I don't want anyone to see me crying over which yogurt to buy)

I am thankful for the moments..

when my heart is tender..

and my emotional basket case self..

latches on to something..

something that if I was "thinking clearly"

or being rational might just get a

"oh that's cool"

 emotional Kara

is so beyond  "that's cool"

I am full force ugly crying,

-This post, the line "all of these situations are pointing us to our one true hope. your hope is not in getting out of suffering as fast as you can. no. press into your suffering and put your hope in Him." 

-This commercial.. My kids are probably never going to be Olympic athletes.. (you can thank your Mom and Dad for not having any athletic ability for that. You're welcome) But I am shaping them.. every little tasks I do is ministering to them, showing God's love, sharing the gospel, forgiveness.. Tasks are not just tasks. 

-This Kid's Bible.. every time I read the kids.Sometimes I feel like I am hearing a familiar story for the first time.  

There are many many more things..

-Basically anything my kids do that could even remotely be described as cute.

-All the Olympic commercials.. why oh why must they tug at the heart strings, don't they know the only acceptable time to have emotional commercials is at Christmas time? Didn't Folgers send them the memo?

-Looking through the kid's old clothes that I am sorting through... when did they get so big and why did I get so blessed?

-Jackson loves to hold Aria's hand.. and I, apparently, love to ugly cry when I see him hold her hand.

Sometimes God allows our hearts to be tender..

so we can see His love, His blessings in the everyday..

And sometimes we ugly cry in the process..

It's all good.

And then I sucked..

This morning was spent with my husband..

who made me coffee..

Who hugged me and kissed me before he left for work..

Who fed the kid's cake for breakfast because he missed them..

This morning was spent with my oldest kids...

giving me hugs and kisses..

telling my they loved me most..

to the moon and back..

Playing peacefully with each other..

without tattles or fights...

This morning was spent with my baby boy..

who wanted nothing more than to cuddle..

have me hold him as he was still waking up..

Then wanting nothing more than to sit next to me while he ate breakfast..

scribbling in a notebook..

while I wrote in my journal..

This morning was spent with my heavenly Father..

Reading about His love..

meditating on His Grace..

Praying for His strength...

Thanking Him for all the little moments..

the blessings...

 I already got to experience this morning...

I was filled and thankful...

and then I sucked.

Things started going from tranquil to chaos..

and then I sucked.

And then I spoke sharper to my kids than I should...

I sighed loudly at the dishes in the sink..

I sulked and moped...

I felt sad

 beyond that I felt completely ungrateful...

Completely undeserving of all the wonderful things I have been given..

Puzzled that in the same morning as all those blessings...

I could end up so rotten..

But that's the thing..

I am always rotten..

always undeserving of the blessings poured out on me...

undeserving of the forgiveness received..

and the grace offered..

and the mercies poured out..

And those days when I am sweet as pie and respond as pleasant as can be...

I can miss that...

I am always in need of grace..

and it is abundantly offered to me..

So I asked God's forgiveness for my attitude..

My kids forgiveness for my rotten mood..

And thanked God for His grace..

even when I suck.

Birthday quotes from a Birthday boy

My oldest child turned 5 on Monday.
Oh My.
I am going to blame the fact that the birthday posts are late because I am in denial..
I like that idea..
I am also going to blame my dirty house and piles of laundry..
on denial too.
Sounds like a plan to me.

Here are some birthday quotes my big 5 year old said on his birthday...

"Momma, I am eating a sugary cereal for breakfast and cupcakes tonight.. can you please feed me healthy food for lunch and dinner?"

Apparently 5 is the new 30.

"I have wanted to eat frosted flakes my whole life and today I can."

Dramatic much.

"Ari, you don't have to clean up, no one can get in trouble on my birthday. It's a rule."

No, it's not.

"Um, I don't think Birthday Boy's have to take naps, it's a rule."

Please show me this rule book of yours.

Me:"Goodnight buddy happy birthday!"
Gibson:"Thanks, I'm 5 now."
Me:"Yes, you are. Does it feel different than 4?"
Gibson:"Actually yes. I feel like I can run faster than I ever could before."
Me:"That's good buddy I bet you can. Good night"
Gibson:"Goodnight Momma. Are you going to rest now?"
Me"In a little bit, I am going to finish the dishes first."
Gibson"WHAT?! Put Daddy to work! You have to rest to get all the pain off. You are growing a baby!"
And then after seeing how funny I thought "PUT DADDY TO WORK" was he proceeded to keep saying it.

Apparently I mention that I am "in pain" to much...
And despite what it sounds like Court does more than his fair share of work around the house..

Gibson:" Tom Brady is a great name. Let's name the baby Tom Brady. It's a very handsome name."
Me:" Buddy, the baby is a girl."
Gibson:" Um, okay then we can call her Girl Tom Brady."
Problem solved.



Buddy,
You makes us laugh.
 You bring such joy to our lives.
 You have such a tender heart towards people and God.
Your Daddy and I love watching you grow..
We love the person you are becoming.
This is our prayer for you
Those who are wise will shine as bright as the sky, and those who lead many to righteousness will shine like the stars forever.
Daniel 12:3
That your sweet, strong spirit will lead many to God.
We love you Gibson Daniel!

The Big Reveal..

For Real..

It's a .....

misleading title...

I am working on a little Baby #4 Boy or Girl reveal video..

Until then here is a little preview..

2 things to be noted..

Gibson thought the baby was in the box..

It is not..

And Jackson's excitement comes from being allowed to sit on the table..

Not the big reveal..

Be back later!